Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
