While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize