Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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