Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
