i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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