he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize