Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
