So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
