that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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