Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
