if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
