New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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