i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
As shirtless as possible
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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