You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
