Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
