I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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