Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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