do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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