I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
