so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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