God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
