With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
