I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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