Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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