had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My penis needs a shock collar
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
