I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
