Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
