just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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