Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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