I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
