i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
