Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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