im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
