i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
