After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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