I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Found the puke drawer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
