Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
