Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
