Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
