So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so much tequila, so little girl.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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