Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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