Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
