I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
