She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
