im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you like me you must not know who I am
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
