R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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