I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
