allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
