if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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