Your mouth is God's brothel.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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