I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
