maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he shaved USA in his pubs
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
