Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
