saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
