She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
