I puked a lego.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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