Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
