your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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