Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
