how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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